Do I Have to Feed My Guests?

Q: My fiancé and I want to have a really kickass honeymoon and a small meaningful ceremony in a botanical garden, no reception! I googled “having a ceremony-only wedding” and a lot of people reacted strongly against it, calling it selfish and unfair to the guests who traveled, got all dressed up for you and called for babysitters. Well, we live in Puerto Rico, a small island. No one is far, and we won’t ask people not to bring their children. We won’t make it a fancy affair, no one needs to get dressed up. My besties were very excited about the prospect of us ditching the whole reception for a honeymoon. They all said they’d do the same in my position. We feel we deserve to splurge on that instead. It’s been a tough year for us; we’ve been sick, we’ve had a lot of family issues, and we just want to get away for a while before we start our lives together

My problem is some of my family members’ reactions to it. It’s not common at all to not have a reception and some of them like to criticize. I just don’t want to have a fifteen-minute ceremony and be all like, “Hey we got a plane to catch! Goodbye!” I don’t know how to go about this.

–Anonymous

A: Dear Anonymous,

Feed them.

Go ahead and take a fancy trip if that’s where you’d like to prioritize your money. Even still, there are ways to offer a quick bite for friends and family, without sacrificing a huge chunk of your honeymoon budget.

There’s no law saying you MUST, of course. Even I’m not going to tell you that food is necessary (and I stinking love to eat). But there’s also no law saying a birthday party must have food and yet, I’d be sort of surprised if I showed up and there wasn’t at least a bowl of chips. I can’t think of any other kind of party where you wouldn’t offer guests a snack. You’re not selfish or unfair for trying to consider finances, but offering your guests a bite is an easy way to be hospitable.

There are loads of ways to do this while saving money. Perhaps the easiest and the most traditional route would be just cake and punch, right there in the ceremony space. It doesn’t have to be dinner, doesn’t have to be lengthy, and definitely doesn’t have to be expensive. Maddie points out that food isn’t just, you know, food and awesome unto itself. Coming together for food has this sort of communal, celebratory vibe to it, even across geography and cultures. It gives people a moment to process and celebrate this crazy big thing that just happened. Even if it’s just a few minutes over some cookies on paper napkins. Even if it’s fries and beer down the street from the ceremony (Maddie’s personal choice). Want an idea of how easy it can be? Check out this APW wedding right here. Or hell, this one.

No matter what options you explore (cracker tray? cupcakes and lemonade? potluck? pay-your-own-lunch?), I’d find a way to feed everyone something. Not because it’s required; not because it’s expected. Because food is awesome and festive, and offering food can be a meaningful way to allow your loved ones to celebrate the huge commitment you’ve just made. And then, you go hop on that plane while they cheer!

TEAM PRACTICAL, what are some ways you’ve cut costs on serving your guests a bite to eat?